bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
