so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
