quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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