If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
