Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
