Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
