any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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