You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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