he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
