summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
