Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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