That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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