Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
