the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im holly from the hills drunk
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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