I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
