I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
