Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
