Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
