So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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