then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't put those talents on a resume
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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