My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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