That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
