my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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