I want to have your abortion
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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