Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
