woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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