i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
