thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize