people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
