so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
