He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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