no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
