i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
