i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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