I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
