what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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