she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
