I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
