Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
