I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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