He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize