i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
