You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
