I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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