I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
