never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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