ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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