You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
