I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
