I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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