The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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