i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
