i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
