I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
