he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
