i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
