Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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