vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
