gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
