She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
false alarm, still single
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
