Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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