I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am mentally ready for anal.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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