he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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