Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
