You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
