i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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