i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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