It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
