you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
