i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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