He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
