You just made me feel so damn special
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
