I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
