Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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