i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
