The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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