I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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