Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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