70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
