I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Vodka?
Forever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
