At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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